Self- Esteem & 19 Months Old

Last year. Elizabeth: 8 months old 

18 Months Old, playing on the PC with Daddy.

As of yesterday, Elizabeth is 19 months old. I can't believe it. Every month I'm shocked my Bean is getting older and older. Her brain is really growing! She is now putting words together in sentences. It's so weird to hear her actually say something that makes any sense! Example: Yesterday she was running around with a banana in her hand ( the usual) and screams ( Oh, yes, she's also been testing her vocal chords) " I LOVE NANA!" I was laughing so hard and replied " I know you do!" and she continued to giggle and run in circles around the table.

I'm just still in awe over my baby girl. I don't think it will ever go away.

Bean, Hannah & I being weird.

Today is also my little sisters 16th birthday.
As jealous, mad and irritated she makes me, I still love her more and more everyday and I'm so proud of the person she is becoming.
I still remember the day she was born. Which is AMAZING since I can't remember what I did yesterday. My brother and I were woken up early in the morning and told she was coming. We were so excited, only to get to the hospital and see my Grandma waiting to take us to her house. We were so disappointed. I remember my Grandma on the phone, hours later, and telling us we now had a baby sister. The next DAY ( which is basically forever in an 8 year old mind) we got to go meet her and our lives were forever changed.


Anyways. I've been feeling extremely down about myself lately. They're some things that have REALLY tested my marriage, etc this past month and I can't help but feel disgusting. I'm going to be SO happy to see August roll around. Funny thing is, right now, I'm the smallest I've been since I've had Elizabeth. Which is crazy because I honestly don't feel like it. I feel SO gross. When I checked my weight, I thought the scale was broken.  I lost 8lbs in the week. Being a Visten, this is a pretty normal thing. My entire family always goes up and down 5lbs or so within days. It's never been 8lbs though. I don't know if it's because I've been pretty depressed and have been barely eating ( I am eating though, don't worry) or I'm just finally becoming my normal self again after 19 + months. I don't know whether I should be happy or worried. I've been trying so hard to look on the bright side of things and pretend that I'm happy; but doesn't seem like it's working. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me or anything. It's just nice to be able to type this all out. I'm sure I'll brighten up once things get back to normal.